Of hopes and dreams

This year, I hope that it would be better. But, it will only be better once you work hard for it. Things don’t just fall into place. In some way, at some point, whatever you do dictates your fate. Things don’t just happen.

Sometimes, you need take a step. Big or small. A leap. For the better.

This year, I am thankful. Some do not make it through 365. Some of them get lost in the journey. Some of them just give up. Be thankful. Not everyone make it through. If you’re still reading this, you’re one of the lucky ones.

Whether you did not like the way this year turned out to be, be thankful. Another year has been laid out for you to do those things you weren’t able to. Spend it wisely. Make it count.

You’ll wake up today with a brand new feeling. Take the time to stop and breathe. Ask yourself, “How do I want to spend this year?” The answer doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter until you wake up a year later, and you can say that you spent the year the way you wanted to spend it.

Whoever you are who is reading this, I only have one wish for you. I wish that you’ll be brave. Brave enough to face what lies ahead. Brave enough to always do the right thing. Brave enough to love and live and be happy. Brave enough to stand up for yourself.

I hope this year, you will be fearless.

“I hope you will have a wonderful year, that you’ll dream dangerously and outrageously, that you’ll make something that didn’t exist before you made it, that you will be loved and that you will be liked, and that you will have people to love and to like in return. And, most importantly (because I think there should be more kindness and more wisdom in the world right now), that you will, when you need to be, be wise, and that you will always be kind.” - Neil Gaiman

Happy New Year!

Dear Seoul sister,

It breaks my heart to see you fall. I'd do what it takes to get you there. You just don't know it, but it breaks me too. But you see, sometimes things don't work out the way you want them to. Believe me, I've had my own share of learning that the hard way. At a certain point in one's life, we will. And I think that you are already at that point. I wish I could protect you from the world. You're still young. You shouldn't be experiencing this. But the world spares no one from pain and disappointment. No matter how good you are, pain will eventually find you. No one's an exception, I've learned. It's just how it is.

If it were up to me, I'd let you go. I'd let you fight. I'd let you go beyond what you have imagined. I'd let you know that the journey is the destination. I'd let you win. And maybe, somewhere along the way, you'll find where you're really meant to be. If only it were up to me. And I would be right there with you.

We've been taught not to let opportunities pass by. But sometimes no matter how great an opportunity is, they're just that. A great opportunity. Just because it's great, it doesn't mean that it will be great for you. We still have to be wise and choose which opportunities we should take. It's not the end of the world. As long you're breathing, opportunities will still be coming, always greater than the previous ones. A missed opportunity doesn't mean you're less talented than you were before. If any, it should give you more confidence about yourself and excitement for what lies ahead.

You've done great, kid. That was very brave of you, doing something like that to reach your dreams. And I'm so so proud of you. Things will work out, you'll see. Maybe not in the way you want them to, but they will. I promise. You just don't know it yet. So, don't lose the faith. Someday, it will get you there. You just wait.

You're still young and you still have a long way to go. Hang in there. It's really not the end of the world. And no matter what happens, we'll always be here for you.

I always have your back, remember? This doesn't change a thing about us, what we have become. You'll always be my Seoul sister.

I love you.

Of predictions and tattoo(s)

It's the beginning of the year and I have to say that I'm feeling positive about it. I'm okay. It's going to be okay.


In the midst of looking for mazuonas, I decided to spend the day with myself somewhere else other than my house. It was a nice change. Just me, my notebook, my coffee (and cheesecake!) and the comforting silence.
No one was in the cafe except for a couple and a guy reading a book. That was good, I guess. 


I was writing the goals for my fashion blog, when I stopped and realized that I didn't write my predictions for this year. You see, every year I write predictions OTH style instead of resolutions at the beginning of each year, specifically during the first hour. Resolutions are quite overrated, don't you think?


Sometimes they come true. Sometimes they do not. Honestly, I don't really work to get them. They're just something I have to remind myself what I want to achieve. It's like a 'the end justifies the means' kind of thing. Mainly it's for fun. But I do it because it's familiar. It's a tradition. And I find that keeping traditions help you to keep yourself. Because there are some things that feels good when you know that they don't change. And God knows how badly I need something constant in my life.


Anyway, so for this year, I've written down the following predictions (in no particular order):


1. This year, I will be fearless.
2.  ..The Mazuona will be known.
3.  ..I will do better.
4.  ..I will find new, real and true friends.
5.  ..I will have a closer relationship with my family.
6.  ..I will lose weight.
7.  ..I will forgive. Or at least, learn how to.
8.  ..I will get my tattoo(s). :P
9.  ..I will be inspired/surround myself with inspiration.
10. ..I will inspire.
11. ..I will fall in love. :-)


And because of item no. 8, we move on to our next list, the tattoo(s) that I will probably get in my whole lifetime:


1. Believe- on my right wrist (in cursive/script) If I don't get the rest, at least let me have this.
2. She believed she could so she did. - left shoulder blade (in cursive/script)
3. Swim - left wrist (in cursive/script) based upon my favorite Jack's Mannequin song, Swim
4. The journey is the destination. - left forearm  (in cursive/script) favorite OTH quote ever
5. the mazuona - I still don't know where
6. Fearless - I still don't know where
7. Molnija (russian word, lightning in english) mark- nape for every Strigoi kill
8. Zveda (russian word, star in english)- nape for every battle
9. Promise mark - nape for being a promised guardian


*7, 8, and 9 are based upon the marks in Vampire Academy. I will have these done like Rose's (my favorite character). Don't be fooled by the book title. It's not your ordinary vamp book. You actually won't notice that it is, because it's real. The feelings, the plot, the characters are real. 


So, basically in ten years, I will be covered with these tattoos from head to toe. I still have a lot in mind, but I just don't know where to put them. But before I even worry about that, I still have to get my parents to agree. I don't really know why I have this tattoo 'obsession'. I just know that the reason why I wanted to get the word Believe on my right wrist is because I want to be reminded to believe at all times. To have faith when everything seems so hopeless. So that whenever I reach a point where I want to give up, I would go on.


 And I guess that goes the same way with the other tattoos. They're reminders of what I've been through. Like battle scars. And to remind me what to do. Like stars that light the way. Mire las estrellas. They're for good reasons.


I think I may have just turned myself into a reminder board. Maybe I should just get one, eh? Nah. Tattoos are better and more cool. Oh, aside from getting my parents' permission, I also said that I will only get them if I donate blood first. Once you get yourself inked, you won't be able to give blood anymore. I feel like I would be more worthy if I saved a life first. So, yeah. Parents' permission and blood donation. Piece of cake?


I would have to admit though, I'm scared of blood. It makes me faint..err squeamish. But to overcome that fear would be an achievement which gives me all the more reason to do it. 


Before I forget, Happy New Year, dear reader! I know it's late, but better late than never. 

“May your coming year be filled with magic and dreams and good madness. I

hope you read some fine books and kiss someone who thinks you’re wonderful, and

don’t forget to make some art — write or draw or build or sing or live as only

you can. And I hope, somewhere in the next year, you surprise yourself.”

— Neil Gaiman

This will always be my new year wish for everyone. Have a great year! 

End it clean and end it well.

And then it was the end of a year and the beginning of a new one.

This year wasn't the best. But I do not hate it. It was better. Better than the previous one. And that's the only thing we can do, right? Make sure that we keep getting better.

This year was a lot of firsts. My first job. Hence, my first salary. My first time to travel by myself. My first time to write a story. My first year in Abu Dhabi. My first press pass. My first indie photo shoot. My first new year celebration with my family after five years. My first time to get sick during Christmas. Too many things. I'm sure there were more but I just can't remember them.

This year I did things that I've never dreamt of doing. But I still wish I could have done more. I wish I wrote, traveled, took pictures, enjoyed my time, loved, and stayed in touch more. But this year, I've come to realize that no matter how many times I felt alone, I never was. And I wish I was able to appreciate that.

This year is ending. This moment is the ending. End it clean and end it well, Marla Miniano once said. But this year is also a beginning. Another chance to live. Another chance to make things right. Another chance to do the things we love. Another chance to be with those we love. Another chance to love. And you don't get that everyday.

The future is unknown, but it is in our hands. Let's begin clean and let's begin well. Let's begin with being fearless.

Crash and Burn

How did we get here? Everything is crashing down. And there's no way to stop it. I've read once that you should take immediate action before more damage is done. But there's nothing I can do. You're like water slipping through my fingers.

Each day gets worse. And I don't know how we got here. It wasn't supposed to be this way. I wanted you. I wanted more. But now, I don't have either. It's times like these when I want familiarity. The familiar smell of rain and the cold it brings that feels like home. The noisy streets and your steady heartbeat. And the warmth of a hug most especially.

I can't always save you. Not when I need saving too.